Should i try online dating quiz
But the price of not facing up to them is anxiety and neurosis.We should make peace with our glorious oddities and contradictions. The people we tend to go for may be attractive to us not only for some very nice reasons (they’re friendly, are into politics or love sports) but also because they bring with them some special kind of trouble or difficulty to which we are especially prone.Sigmund Freud’s great insight was that many things remain unconscious because of our own squeamishness, or as he put it ‘resistance’.The unconscious contains desires and feelings that deeply challenge a more comfortable vision of ourselves.We are – in this sense, despite our big brains – not so far from the babies we once were. Parents were themselves subjects to parents and psyches they didn’t fully control.
They should spare us time – and help us make more accurate choices. And a pen and paper to trap our thoughts, which can be as furtive as shy deer. Almost everything we are today is the result of patterns laid down in childhood that we have forgotten.
But we don’t make comparable progress emotionally because we’re simply not sufficiently aware of what detrimental behaviours we have picked up in childhood which we will – unless we are very self-aware – recreate in our adult years. What slightly unhealthy things feel attractive in a partner? The psychoanalytic theory of repetition compulsion explains that we are all drawn to problematic things which we once experienced as children.
It isn’t necessarily the case that we will directly repeat the trauma.
List five ways in which you are, after all, quite difficult to live with?
A good partnership is not so much one between two healthy people (there aren’t many of these on the planet), it’s one between two demented people who have had the skill or luck to find a non-threatening conscious accommodation between their relative insanities, in large part because they have a good grasp of how they are difficult to live with. One option is that you might start to feel a bit sick – and try to persecute or run away from the enthusiastic party (why do they have such bad taste? This is a characteristic response if you have issues with liking yourself – which around half of us do (largely because important people in our past weren’t that keen).